Under your shadow

I saw your face

gazing through the dark

i could hear your voice

fading into the night

I could feel my heart

melting and failing

I could feel my love

strangled and dead

My eyes searching through the doom

My ears waiting for a call

hoping, a ray of hope, forlorn

I felt my body raise

I felt my soul

turning dust, blown away

I could feel my being disappear

Under your shadow

I felt safe

Under your shadow

I felt me

Under your shadow...

For those who want to try and understand me a bit

Growing up can be hard, you begin to realize the truth, and the truth well its not always fascinating but can be distressing at times. Soon enough I will be in the second last stage of my life, I will be earning and would be starting what people think is the aim of life. And not much relative time would pass by when I would retire and be ready to leave this world. Its hard to comprehend that people does not always turn out the way you wished it would. People grow up to learn things they wish they never learnt. Today I sit here and understand the world, see the pain and misery around, knowing that almost everyone is unhappy, how everyone has a problem or other learing by their side, something they can never do anything about. Sometimes what gets you through is being oblivious. The hardest thing is to admit to yourself that you are oblivious. I have known this fact for sometime now, and have made myself aware of it during several of my self studying sessions. But its not until today that I sit here to face it. Today I do not fear the world knowing it, I might just become oblivious to this fact again and would start living the way I do, but a hope would lit up inside of me, the hope that someone does read this and know how and why I am the way I am. I am  a pessimist quite contrary to what people understand me to be. I am a coward to face things in their face. I sit here with the thought of reality driving me to write this, the thought that would bury in the back of my mind when I wake up tomorrow. I would consider this some sort of disease or may be some sort of weakness on my part. The truth is though life never turns out the way you dreamt it would, but you move ahead and let go of things that have gone wrong, but me, I always kept a hope alive that they would go right, that they haven't really gone wrong but its just a dream. Maybe its because I am not what i wanted to be, maybe its because I never realized what is that i wanted to be when i was a kid. 

Maybe its somepart of me that denies that the world could be this hell of a place, that life is not a rat hole that it is, that not everyone suffers every moment of it. People find love and say they are happy but the truth is they lack something else. Someone does not have money, someone has lost someone they lived for, someone never got a chance for something they craved for, someone is not being treated right, someone is sick with an ailment, someone cannot have a child, someone is in a wrong relationship, someone doesnot have a relationship, someone cannot be in a relationship. Its always some or the other thing, and if you are not strong or if some incident in your life is too much for you to take at that stage, something that is par your mental level or capacity to handle pain at that moment you lose contact with the reality and start living a virtual life. I believe myself to be a victim of that. Its hard to say what is that made me turn this road, but something did. ,,,

India V/S Western Countries

Strike 9: electricity woosh!!!
Scene:1 Clothes, some stuck in the dryer, few in the washer and the rest ... well they never got a chance to go anywhere.

Scene:2 "Darn these electricity people, how can i be expected to reach anywhere on time if i cant take a bath, and how can you expect me to take a bath in cold water when its freezing out there!!!"

Scene:3 "wtf, a person cant even enjoy some TV in this country, huh screw these govt. officials"

Strike 11:
Scene:1 "ahh let me just finish my washing..... gracious me now no water!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Scene:2 "faster, faster.. i should be able to catch the train on time... huh!! no surprise the train's delayed by 6 more hours and there goes my deal thanks to the goverment."

Scene:3 "yea yea cool... electricity's back i can atleast watch the last few overs... oh noooooo!!!! now the cable is down... i just feel so suffocated i might just die."


12.21 seconds versus 9.69 seconds within a distance of 100m !!! That does give an idea of what difference hurdles make in our life. And with hurdles taller than you, taller than any wall that can be climbed anyone would be rendered helpless. Frustration creeps in and threatens to win over normal thinking of any being, with social security being challanged every man lives with a one point goal of to live and provide a proper meal for his family.

Take the thought power away from a human and you have him right in the middle of the palm, squash him, let him free you can then do anything you want. It does not require a careful analysis to find the analogy of the above stated theory and propaganda of the politicians of India. To undermine their ill doings they withhold a man's thinking power by letting social insecurity linger on out in the country.

Provide the basic amenities to common man of India, provide him with a sense of living rather than a feel of struggle and you would have the politicians back in their own backyard fearing to step out of their luxury homes.

People talk of various factors which places us at a back step against the western countries but to me this is the major factor. A hastle free life, a tension free mind is what is a pre-requisite for a person to look out of his life and towards the society he is living in, to the country he is a part of and hence fulfill his duty towards the same.

WEATHERS OF MY LIFE

It was that spring that life took birth
It was when I found a friend
It was then when I learnt to cry
It was only then when I learnt to smile

It was that summer when my heart was felt
It were those nights I learnt to dream
It was the time when the breeze blew
It was only then the sun grew

It was that autumn that the leaves dried
It was time for birds to cry
It was when heavens turned hell
It was only then the devil rang the bell

It was that winter that none survived
It was when this soul expired
It was then when days turned nights
It was then when my heart was buried alive

TRUTHS OF LIFE

Strangest of fears strangle my soul
Darkest of nights caress my mind
Hollow, am I from inside?
For I don’t feel the day’s light

Walking with my feet in mud
Breathing the air of ice
Do I even fear dying?
For my heart cant go on lying

Facing the world with a mask not face
I do feel the burns inside
Is this a phase or my future life?
For I sure feel am being buried alive

Was it strange when a season changed life?
Was it strange when a young bird died?
Was it strange when death killed life?
Or was it when the truthful lied?

REMEMBRANCE

I never let my eyes speak
I never let these lips utter
Never did I make you see
All that my heart suffered

You never saw my stoned eyes
You never felt the chill inside
All that you thought was I so weak
A demented soul, who always cried

When I touched you, my fingers did bleed
When I felt you, my inside did feel
Queen you were, over me you tread
The last of my tears in last of my years

I have my pains for no one to see
I have my fears for no one to feel
You, I trusted with a part of me
But you broke what was most dear to me

The arms of Night

I roll off in the mud
Wishing I never be cleaned
I fear the first drop and,
Drink the last in glee

Walking through the doors
Searching for a hand to hold
I embrace the cold arms of silence,
Calling out to the cruel night

Fallen asleep then and there
I wake to find an invisible stranger
Holding on to the darkest corner,
I speak to my shadow & void

Drifting to a realm of my own
I fly higher, afraid to look below
Binding my soul to free my mind
I let go all, to fall forever

Birth of Doom

Red flows the streets of Albem
Aroma of soot across
Endless nights shadowing the bright
Tormented are the GOD

Hooded members roam the city
Shouting the birth of unnamed
Rivers of dead fill the ocean
With ravens & crows up in the sky

He who walks the aisle of temptation
Will crown the child the king
Hail the beast for the time is here
For the womb to be torn apart

No moon, no stars to light the sky
Its black clouds that hold the reign
No mortal, no immortal shall ever live
For the lands turn to ravines

Path to the orange sea

Autumn paves the way to damnation
As sun sets to never rise
Fighting forever a lost war
Another rebel buried alive

Lachrymose were the fading sights
A forlorn gaze of the free sky
Standing affronts a cold mirror
He forgets his soul is on what side

A face in heart, a name on lips
He breaks slaying his own heart
With many promises from the nights ahead
He walks the unspoken path

With doom ahead and a smile at past
With steel against neck & merry in heart
He greets the end laughing aloud
And a shot so loud to silence it all

LOST IN LIFE

Oh my kingdom of darkness

from ashes do rise

engulf my glee, my misery, my pain

leave me a stone to die

These tears, these laughs, these moments of joy

they all are fake, fooling my eyes

the time has stopped, so why not my breath

sit still is yesterday, but why is today crying

Under your aegis all souls do perish

Under your reign only the dead rise

I stand to feel your cold freeze my breath

I crave to voice my silent cries

Leave no memories, erase my mind

leave behind all that was mine

make me a new born, a dead cold ranger

for i am shadow lost in life